DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME;

"Me, Ringo and how to pull a fast one in Las Vegas."

"LOVE and BABY LEMONADE Consigliere, Mike 'Ringo' Harrison (in Pink Suit) takes
a moment to chat with The Yards' lead singer/guitarist, Chris Helm, at Ringo's
recent wedding"

Next month I am going to Vegas for a few days holiday. One of my closest
mates, Ringo, will be in town (from the UK) with members of his family for his
mums b/day. Ringo and I first met at a LOVE show in Venice beach back in 1993.
We'd just finished our show and walked outside and there was Ringo with his
uncle, Nick, telling us how much they dug the show. On Ringo's next visit to
LA (6 months later, with London's cheekiest trouble maker, Richard "Rocky"
Meehan), he had planned to stay for 2 weeks. Rusty and I let them stay at our
place and, after 2 weeks, Richard went back to England but Ringo, having been
made redundant at his job, stayed in LA for a couple of months. I would
describe him as quite a fun character and a damn good drinking partner. His
(newly wedded) wife, Toni, is top class as well.

So I was more than happy to make time to hang out with Ringo in Vegas. I love
Vegas. Of course Vegas is everything that the rest of the world despises about
America. But you gotta love a place where you can go ANYWHERE at ANY HOUR with
a beer in your hand, EVERYTHING IS OPEN at ALL HOURS of the night, prostitution
is legal, nearly EVERYTHING is cheap as dirt, where they give you FREE DRINKS
just to stay and gamble and where Elvis once called home. See, I 'm not much of
a card game gambler guy. I do play slots a bit but my thing is SPORTS BETTING.
I love it.

Stick me in that big room with those disgusting, cigar smoking, smelly slobs
and i'm right at home. See, as long as you have a betting ticket visible, the
waitress just keeps bring out the drinks, REGARDLESS how much money you bet.
My thing is balance, and it goes like this. I usually take 5 or 6 bets at
about $20-$30 each. On half of that, I take the underdog with (hopefully)
nice pay-off odds. The other half, I take the favorites to, you know, sort of
cover my ass. Now, I'm much better at betting on NFL football games than
anything else but that doesn't start till September so the NBA finals may still
be on. baseball will certainly still be on (when isn't it?) and Horse Racing
is always a go. But i draw the line there and would never dip into dog racing
and weird stuff like that.

Now, when I order beers, I ALWAYS order 2 at a time. ALWAYS. Trust me. Order
2. Now, tip her $1 every time she comes by. She'll come by a lot. Assuming
you can drink 10 beers and still stand up ( I would just be getting warmed up),
you will have paid $5 on $50 worth of drinks. If you look at it they way my
friend Erica looks at it, you just made $45. Now, what are the chances you
would lose ALL SIX BETS? Highly unlikely, like winning all six. But if one of
your bets pays 3-1 odds and you bet $30, you're $90 ahead (plus you get your
$30 back) So on the original $120 you laid down, if just one of your 3
underdog bets comes through, you're doing OK. Now, you gotta figure to win at
least 1 of your favorites, but most likely you'll win 2, especially if they
have a good home record and bookies placed the odds that way. Depending on the
odds, you might get $15-$20 back on each $30 you bet.

So let's say, at the end of 3 hours time, after betting $120, you got back
(roughly) $150, PLUS you got absolutely tanked for only $5, on Heineken no
less. That's a $30 gain. Now take that $30, go to Emeril's and order the
Cajun Catfish, which will run you about $23.99 and it comes with Gumbo. After
tip, yer right back where you started; at zero. But look at all the fun you
had, the great food you had, you're totally pissed and it didn't cost you a red
cent. You lucky bastard. Of course, this is a totally different thing than
when we went down to Rosarita, Mexico, several years ago and lived like kings.
Everything was so cheap, they were practically giving it away. At one
resteraunt, they mistook Ringo for Liam Gallagher! Lots of Tequila, lots of
Coronas, lots of Carne Asadas and lots of fun. But I'll save that trip for
another time...

=====

Mike Randle
mike@lovewitharthurlee.com

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