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Mike Randle


August 14, 2003

(warning: dear diary readers, today’s edition of The Diary is 100% about politics and 0% about music. So if you want to take a break today would be a good day to do it. Remember, you were warned…)


I want to clear something up; I don’t hate George Bush. I don’t LIKE George Bush, but i certainly don’t hate him. Actually, i kind of think of him as sort of like that monkey that carries the cup and collects money for the organ grinder. The monkey goes from window to window playing songs that make the neighborhood feel good about itself and happy to boot. And collects some dosh on top of it all. But one thing you CAN say about ‘Ol Dubya; when he makes a political ‘faux paux’ he actually makes it look ‘aw shucks!’, like he MEANT to do it.

Not so with some of our more ‘illustrious’ Democratic Presidential contenders. Senators John Kerry and Joseph Lieberman really believe they have a legitimate chance of becoming the next president. George Bush is on his Crawford Ranch bear rug, laughing his arse off right now at that very thought. These guys may be able to raise tens of millions of dollars and may have a lot of face and name recognition but, all in all, these two clowns are precisely what is wrong with the United States. Just think about that for 2 minutes.

Ok, finished? Let’s take John Kerry, the guy Republicans say “looks French.” This guy actually fought in Vietnam (unlike our hero, “W”, who got out with a little help from Pops, but still had the audacity to land on an aircraft carrier simply to ‘showboat’) This guy was campaigning in Philly yesterday and stopped off at PAT’S STEAKS, a famous Philly cheese steak PCS) joint. He wants to prove to us he’s ‘one of the people’ and orders a nice, big juicy cheese steak. Except this dummy makes a massive Philly faux paux (or, PFP) and asks for it with Swiss cheese. S-W-I-S-S C-H-E-E-S-E. SWISS CHEESE!!!!!! In front of reporters, no less. You think Karl Rove would allow Bush to do something so utterly stupid and un-American? Never. You can lie all you want about WMD’s, just don’t put Swiss cheese on a PFS, ok?

Then we have Lieberman, quite possibly the WHINIEST politician EVER. He recently, maybe it was yesterday, but he just said on TV that a vote for (Dem. prez contender) Howard Dean was ‘a vote on a road to political wilderness’ or something to that effect. Problem is, Dean is KICKING LIEBERMAN’S ASS IN RAISING CAMPAIGN FUND AND IN THE POLLS where people are gonna vote during the primaries. Kerry and Lieberman are con men in suits, begging you for votes, when they haven’t the slightest intention of doing anything to make your life or the world better. You think Bush is war thirsty? Lieberman makes Bush look like Gomer Pyle. Lieberman is totally down with blowing Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Palestine up and anybody else who gets in our way. He drifts sometimes in the ‘maybe the Prez misled us a bit’ area, but it’s only to keep you guessing. Guess what? You ain’t gonna be president, pal.

Now, the reason I even write any of this is because I feel that, be you a Dem. or a Rep., you have everything to lose and nothing to gain with Senor Bush at the helm. That said, I encourage you to put aside your partisan ways and look at a 3rd alternative, Howard Dean. Vote for whomever you wish but, in a world where the media tries to sway the public on political opinions, I think it’s time someone stepped to the podium without b*llsh*it lines and kissing everybody’s ass. I don’t want to see Richard Gephardt at the FIRST A.M.E. church in Los Angeles because, he only goes there when he wants votes.

I want a president, man or woman, who is willing to call the current administration out. Homeland security is a joke. The states are BROKE, dude. HELLO! California is 38 Billion dollars in the hole, which looks like a discount compared to Bush’s projected 450 Billion dollar deficit (say, can we recall HIM?) for the USA. So then, doesn’t it follow that massive tax cuts are not only a bad idea but down right irresponsible? How come Kerry and Lieberman don’t get that point across? CAUSE THEY VOTED FOR IT cause they are gutless chickens with huge yellow stripes down their backs. And now they are going after Howard Dean and name calling! Like children!

But what really frightens them (and what also, behind closed doors,I think concerns Karl Rove) is that, when you place them next to Dean, they REALLY look bad. Compare them to Bush they just look boring. But compared to Dean they look exactly like the heartless cowards they appear to be. There is no security folks, simply your government using the constitution for toilet paper. That’s how I feel, as you can see. And I decided to do something so I donated $25 to Dean’s campaign, which got federal matching funds so it was like I gave $50. I want some changes. I live in a place where the entertainment industry thrives on tourism. But no one wants to come to the USA anymore (except to work), or at least like they used to. I want the old USA back, the one I was proud of. I want to be able to hold my head up high again when I go through customs in another country.

No matter how the DEMS try to spin it, no matter how many stories Karl Rove plants on FOX NEWS (“Is Dean too far to the left?”) and no matter how nasty Kerry and Lieberman treat him, I honestly believe Howard is the best choice to challenge a guy like George Bush. When you think about it, Bush is kind of like a BIG MAC; all style, no substance. Kerry and Lieberman are more like Whopper Jr.’s; flame broiled and better for you, but will never be as popular as the Big Mac. Dean, on the other hand, is a Fillet Mignon with all the trimmings. Given a real choice, I can’t see anyone picking a Big Mac. Next November, I’m having steak. How about you?

Mike Randle


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