Dear Christine,

First off, I want to congratulate you on your acceptance and academic scholarship to Texas A&M. I always knew you had it in you and I am quite proud you’ve turned out so well. Unfortunately I can’t attend your High School graduation there in San Antonio, as I will be on tour starting Friday. But know that I think the world of you and if there’s anything I can ever do to help, you know you only need ask (accept when you want Destiny’s Child CDs…) I know it’s too soon to know what you want out of this life but, being the editor of your school paper and all, i think you shouldn’t overlook your ability to make it as a journalist. They get a lot of perks, get to travel and free food at press conferences. I’m just sayin’ think about it.

Ok, so now that I got the mushy stuff out of the way, let me get to the real point, which is those awful SAN ANTONIO SPURS in those ugly silver and black uniforms they wear. Ok, you KNOW how much I can’t stand the Spurs and I know they’re your favorite team, but what’s up with these guys collapsing in the 4th quarter every playoff game? I mean, if Robert Horry makes that 3 pointer in game 5, the Lakers win it at home in game 6. You know it, I know it and the Spurs know it. Last night they could have slayed the Dallas Mavericks and then kicked it for a week before the Finals against the New Jersey Nets.

But NOOOOOOOO, not these Texans. They only scored 10 points in the 4th quarter! TEN POINTS!!! Tim Duncan needs to FED EX that MVP trophy to the Pacific Palisades. Oh, why Pac Pal? Cause that’s where Kobe lives. Kobe is the real MVP. Shaq thinks it’s his show but everyone knows Kobe could score 50 every night if he wanted to. So you’d better cross your fingers on those Spurs and hope they don’t tank tomorrow! Maybe, if your lucky, you could get a job writing for the LA TIMES when you graduate and, if you’re REALLY lucky, you could cover the Lakers! You know, like a beat writer. First we gotta get you out of Texas. Fast. But, until then, enjoy that wonderful humid Texas summer and get ready for that birthday of yours on July 11 when you turn 18. Girl, you’ll be a woman soon.

with all my love,

Uncle Mike

Mike Randle