Ok, I’ve been home now for 2 weeks and it’s been VERY HOT in Los Angeles and I think it should be a bit warmer, since it is now the fall. I mean, is that too much to ask for? Why does England have a lock on lousy weather while we “So Cals” have to lay on the sand at the beach to escape this damn heat! I just want it to cool down, that’s all. I don’t think I can take it anymore.

For instance, look at the women rollerblading on the (Venice) Boardwalk; Normally, they’d be wearing Daisy Duke “short-shorts” that are so tight you figure they were painted on. but now, with this furnace on, they’re wearing next to nothing! I can’t even take my kid to the beach without being bombarded with these beautiful, young, sexy, barely dressed misled women. Where is the morality, I ask you! I’m talking HUGE breasts and skimpy g-string bikinis. HOW ARE AMERICA’S KIDS SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THAT? For that matter, how am I supposed to talk on my mobile phone when one of these hotties are picking up the volleyball from the sand AND SHE’S WEARING A sling-shot…not even a g-string (or whatever they call them…thongs?)..it’s a SLING SHOT!

So, you can see my dilemma and maybe you can understand why I feel so angry with the heat and these infidels at the beach. So I have decided to avoid the beach. I want to look for a place that’s cold, may be that British pub, THE KINGS HEAD, on 2nd street? I mean, the food’s terrible (English Holiday makers ALWAYS feel at home), it’s always drafty and cold inside and the service is aweful. But whatever I do, I intend to avoid those damn oiled-down vixens on the boardwalk. They’re nothing but trouble. And I need trouble like I need a Furnace from Hades…

Mike Randle