I went to Ralph’s yesterday to do some grocery shopping. For those of you not in the know, Ralph’s is a huge chain (west coast?) that brags of having the lowest prices and all that. They have these “Ralph’s Cards” and I keep one on my key ring. When you buy stuff, they scan the cards and you save money-in theory. of course, they jack the prices to the stratoshere befor you even walk through the door. like I went to buy some CUMIN, ok? But all I really wanted was MEXICAN SPICES. And then I found a bottle that said MEXICAN SPICES. So i’m thinkin, yep, i-am-hooked-up. But it was $5.89!!!!!! That’s highway robbery! That’s like those English breafast prices! $5.89? For WHAT?

So I go and shop and it happened to be in hollywood so you see the cute chicks with like 900 colors in the hair and about 62 body piercings and the tatooes on the high ass (the “Ass-Neck”, as the JERKY BOYS would say…) parts…so it’s interesting. But then i’m in line to pay and the woman that’s ringing me up, a 20-something chick named, Maria Rodriguez. Well, Maria was being a complete bitch to me. I asked her a couple of questions and she totally ignored me. But that’s typical Hollyweird…

So, afterwards I’m in line to make a left turn and i look into the window of a Thai resteraunt and I could see the Angels playing the Yankees on tv…so I figured I better get my ass home (i had a 12-pack) to watch the game. And speaking of 12-packs, how come they don’t sell them in England? No 12-packs…and THEN this FOOL nearly rams his Dodge into the car…and it wouldn’t be so bad except he had those really macho, fascist bummer stickers like AMERICA FIRST and…let’s see…OH yeah, AMERICAN BY CHOICE, SOUTHERN BY THE GRACE OF GOD. I mean, this guy would BUY HIS OWN TICKET to Bahgdad. I imagine him as the kinda guy that epitomizes the mindless trooper that walks into gun fire to appease the Generals. Well, maybe I was being rough in my thoughts but the guy almost hit me, ok?

So now the baseball playoffs have started. The Yankees slapped the Angels around last night, after making them think they had a chance for 90% of the game. The Angels really thought they were in it until Yankee manager, Joe Torre, gave Bernie Williams the go-ahead to take the Angel pitcher deep into the 10th row. giving the Yanks an 8-5 lead (which broke the 5-5 tie) and nice photo opps for former Mayor, Rudy Guiliani. And what’s left but a pathetic bunch of losers…the Anaheim Angels…who, back in the day, had the audacity…THE AUDACITY to call themselves the CALIFORNIA ANGELS! No way, PAL…you SUCK. Go back to the orange curtain…er Orange County…go back to Mickey Mouse. You have no business hanging with the big boys…which brings me to LOVE fan, MIKE.

Ok, Mike is a Los Angeles Clipper fan (yawn) and a LOVE fan and he believes they’re gonna be as good (or better) than MY LOS ANGELES LAKERS one day. ok, i’ll pause so you can laugh……………………………………………………………………………………………………..done? Well, I saw Mike up in the balcony at the HENRY FONDA SHOW when I went to say hello to Jay Donnellan. And, of course, he was wearing a CLIPPER jersey. Soooooo…THAT’S who bought it? Well, Mike is a nice guy so what i’ll do is give him some musical advice which is to buy Aerosmith’s greatest hits and put on DREAM ON right before the Clips get mopped by the LAKERS…

Mike Randle