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Mike Randle


“What the world is really concerned with…”
August 20 2002

I went to the local coffee shop, Urth Cafe, and got my usual cup of Joe. But, see, when you go in there early, that’s when a lot of celebrities are there. But my friend, Great White Shark, isn’t impressed with celebrities and a story about them would just bore her and make me look shallow, I would think. So it’s best not to name who was there or anything like that. So, I was standing in line and Ted Danson is waiting for his latte. Now, I see him quite a bit, actually. Him and one of those Baldwin brothers are always there in the early morning and if you don’t believe me, go see for your self. Now, Great White has no doubt clicked off this diary (although I might be wrong…). But I think most of us like to watch Oprah and Martha Stewart and we like to know how the other half lives.

So, Ted and I were kinda talking about what’s going on in the world and how it’s affecting everyone and we dwindled it down to the most important issue that concerns humanity at this point in time; WHAT DO THE LAKERS NEED TO DO TO WIN ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP? A woman overheard us and, low and behold, it was that chick from that show that went off the air last year that used to star that guy who went out with that model. She wanted to put her 2 cents in. “I think if Shaq would just make his free throws, we’d never have to worry again.” Ok, Einstein, that’s very good. But keep in mind, Shaq has been one of the WORST free throw shooters the last 3 years (or in history, for that matter…) and the Lakers ROLLED over teams all three of those years (ok, the Indiana Pacers were more like a speed bump..) and have the Banners at Staples Center to prove it.

So, what should be done? Does the team really need to improve? Should we trade Rick Fox? These are the burning questions that dog society to no end. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t sleep last night just thinking about it. And now I’m probably dead meat to Great White for shoving all those celebrities down the diary reader’s throats. But imagine if all those protest singers became cheerleaders instead? Can you imagine Jewel as a Laker Girl? Now that’s what I’m talking about. We could even get PIRATE off the Crack pipe for 1 day and get him out to a Laker Game. And if he likes the crack in Detroit, he’ll be in heaven in Los Angeles where you can get crack with a full tank of gas…

So, I guess all I’m saying is, Give The Lakers a Chance to get even better. We were on tour in Europe when the Lakers slapped the New Jersey Nets silly in a 4-0 sweep. I thought they would stand up to the Lakers for a least 1 game to make it look good for the cameras but not this time. And they had some sorry Celebrities at their games. I mean, in New Jersey? Ok, Springsteen was there and Jon Bon Jovi was there. But we had Ed Norton, Chuck Norris, Jack Nicholson (uncle Jack!), Pam Anderson and that fool she goes out with, Hugh Hefner, Lisa Guerrero (local SUPER FOXY news caster), and more celebrities than you can shake a stick at. So, maybe all the other teams should just fold now and save money. And don’t make us have to pull the fly-swatter out on Sacramento again…geez…why don’t they just leave us be? Well, I have to pack now.

Mike Randle


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