“All the ladies in the house say yeah Come on you motherfuckers say a prayer When you fights you gots to fight fair You motherfucker, oh, you motherfucker You know what time it is Tenacious D time, you motherfucker waaaaaa! Fuck you!”

Oh. Excuse me. I didn’t know you were here. Let me take off my headphones and stop listening to Mike Randle’s illegally MP3’d CD of Tenacious D live at Largo’s so we can chat. (Note: Hey you guys at RIAA – send your subpoena courtesy to …)

There’s not a helluva lotta room in this stupid backpack crammed with Paula’s Gameboy Advance, Rusty’s Gameboy that she stole, her PowerBook G4 with wireless DSL (12 inches of pure titanium, baby!), her T-mobile phone (three games, Internet access, baby!), and lots of other junk including what looks like that crazy leftover Argentinian Yerba Matte tea her nutty roommate Ana kept drinking every morning… yeah, she claims it makes you “focus”… yeah, right, baby, focus on this!

Then again, I’m doin’ fine stuffed at the bottom of Paula’s backpack. After all, I’m only three inches tall. But that’s three inches of pure polyethelene polyester fiber, BABY. So, yeah, I’m a teddy bear. But I ain’t cuddly like my bitch Paula. I’m one cranky mofo, as far as teddy bears go. Get yo hands offa me. Step off…

Anyway, everyone thinks they know what happened on this 35th Anniversary Love Forever Changes Tour 2003 with Arthur Lee. Especially during the East Coast Tour of October 18-24, 2003 where they played Philly, DC, Boston, and New York. Four shows in five days? Yeah, Gene Kraut, manager extraordinaire (i.e. EVIL GENIUS), no problem at ALL. We can handle it. Especially the drive to Newark. (More on that later…)

So I’m sayin’… ignore those Diary entries by Randle and his cronies Mike Fornatale et al.

Yeah, baby, Bartlet Bear here’s got the real dirt. The true scoop. I spent most of this goddamn tour crammed either at the bottom of Paula’s backpack, snug between Heather’s twins when she was asleep on the plane, or sitting in the “Seat O’ Death” of the white van (more on that later).

But I’m a teddy bear. Which means I have no freakin’ eyelids. So I was wide awake the entire time, and I learned a lot about these guys and gals. and I am the only witness to some of the hijinks that happened before and after the shows.

So let’s begin.

Bartlet Bear (and yeah, Paula’s my bitch. but in a good way, ya dig?)

Mike Randle