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Mike Randle


April 26, 2003

So now those trailor yodlers from Texas have taken their clothes off and pretty much answered the question i was asking; who ate all the potatoe salad, anyway? Well, obviously it was Dixie Chunk in the middle, although i suspect some SERIOUS airbrushing going on, unless the middle Chunk-i mean CHICK-lost 30 lbs. last week, which i doubt. Hmmm…i wonder if this will get all those red necks back at Wal-Marts and buying those crappy country records again? I mean, if you’re the CLASH, you can call BUSH names…if you’re ME, you call BUSH names, but when the majority of your fans are backyard, trailor, jumper-cable, socially retarded truck drivers then you better be careful what you say.

See, the price you pay when you are under the illusion that you are invincible is that, your money DRIES UP AND YOU GO BROKE because your fans don’t like your awful music so much as they like to watch that Dixie Chunk in those country videos. When Joe Strummer said,”You have the right to freedom on speech-just as long as you’re not dumb enough to use!” in Combat Rocks’ “KNOW YOUR RIGHTS”, he was talking about people like the Dixie Chunks and that guy from Politically Incorrect (Bill Mayer.) Joe could say anything he wanted to cause he had street credibility and, unfortunately, the Dixies ain’t got that one yet and I don’t think they’ll get it anytime too soon. One wrong word to those fairweather cowboys and cowgirls and it’s back to being a waitress at the Wafflehouse. And i KNOW you don’t want that, do ya gals?

And, not one to let an easy target get by him (see: Iraq Invasion, part 2), President Bush wagged a finger at the Chunks saying, “Democracy is a 2-way street,” which proves Mr. Bush is still running the country, dispelling rumors that Donald Rumsfeld took over 2 weeks ago. Whomever came up with that slogan oughta be promoted to General or something. See, what the Girls have to understand is, these are different times. I can remember when Republicans used to encourage people to assassinate former President Clinton (See G. Gordon Liddy, Jesse Helms, Bob Dornan) and the secret service STILL has Helms on file for a threat he made to slick willy 6 years ago. But ahhhh…roll out the new times…that was then, Chickies, THIS IS NOW. Now more free rides or free chicken.

Now, if I were your lot, I’d tell the red necks to shove it where the sun don’t shine. You don’t like my record or what I got to say, go “eff” yerself, Bubba! Of course, I don’t make millions of dollars a year, which is basically Bubba’s money so, Bubba has a direct say in your career. Now, THAT’S the kind of democracy i can appreciate. So, do i think you did the right thing in saying you were embarrassed to be from Texas because BUSH is from Texas? I think you should be embarrassed cause your music is awful and you dress like Daisy Duke. I could care less what you say about a politician. Do I think you were right to apologize? That’s where you went wrong; if it’s how you feel, and you STILL feel that way but apologize anyway, then you’re just begging to keep the money from being cut off. So, in a way, the Chicks came home to roost (couldn’t resist that one…) So, do I think you “got the critics back” with the “nude” shot? Not really. You were better off letting the controversy die out, but on the other hand, any press that steers clear of talking about your music can’t be a bad plan…Maybe ya’ll just better off shuttin’ up and puttin’ yer clothes back on, like the good ‘ol days back at the trailor park…

Mike Randle


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