I love LAKER coach, Phil Jackson. See, most folks think he simply rolls the ball out on the court, counts his money and gets massages from the Owner’s daughter. But if you REALLY pay attention, you’d see the method to his madness. Like Last night’s game against San Antonio. The LAKERS got blown out. And that’s how Phil wants it. He wants to tortue the Spurs, make em think they’re gonna take the series; that is, until game 3, which is at the STAPLE CENTER , A.K.A., THE ZEN DOME.

The LAKERS can turn it on when they have to. If they would have won last night, the series would be even at 1-1. But there’s no fun in that. We’re down 0-2 in a best of seven series. Shaq is Mad. Kobe is Kobe. Look for Shaq to get 50+ points on Friday. Look for Kobe to hit 8 three-pointers. Look for San Antonio to get blown out. Besides, I got enough to worry about than to get caught up in sports. I got a $35 parking ticket today.

I went to Aron’s records (in Hollywood) to look for 3 specific CDs, of which they had none: Rush best of, Van Halen best of (part 1 only…pre-Hagar, ok?) and Van Dyke Parks’ “Song Cycle” (can’t find my copy anywhere) I was only there for 5 minutes. See, I originally thought I got it at the .99 cent store (i was there buying batteries…great deal…same as the $5 batteries I was getting ripped off on a regular basis buying) but that’s what I get for not putting money in the meter. What’s that saying? shame on me once…shame on you…once you shame…on me…? Oh, nevermind. See, Bush couldn’t say it either so I don’t feel so bad.

Now, what gets me is how many crackheads are in Hollywood. I am serious when I say that you cannot walk 2 blocks from as far west as (LA BREA), as far north as (HOLLYWOOD BL) as far east as (HIGHLAND) and as far south as (SANTA MONICA BL) Crack is everywhere is this town. Crackheads everywhere asking for money, can they shine your shoes, can they wash your car. Black, white, even ASAIN crackheads. Crack doesn’t seem to discriminate out here in Hollywood. And I remember the year it came to town, right around the time Reagan started his trickledown economics (oh, it trickled down alright) Now, instead of mental hospitals with people getting help, we have homeless people sleeping on the streets. People sleeping on the steps of a $21 million dollar BRAND SPANKING NEW Cathedral that Cardinal Mahoney is so darn proud of. I guess they don’t call him “Phoney Maloney” for nothing, huh? Now explain that to me, how you can be party to that much money being spent on a church while people in your city are jobless, hungry and sleeping in the streets and on your church steps? I guess it’s not enough the priests are fondling the boys and covering it up and taking your money and laughing; they don’t even care. And that’s Hollywood right there: everyone for themselves.

From the clubs that showcase local bands (and steal the band’s money-the Whiskey makes you pay for your own water, by the way), to the gas stations that are charging $2.10 a gallon for gas with a straight face, this town is walking with a limp. Dreams are no longer made in Hollywood but sold on e-bay to the highest bidder. Of course, it’s a short stint because, real talent can carry anyone who really has it in them to be successful, but the ones who got by with less talent had best remember to cut out those coupons; the same people you see on your way up are the same people you see on your way down. It’s a rough town but know this; i love it here. I kind of get a kick out of the cellephane dreamers and the out-of-town rockers who crowd the Sunset Strip every friday and saturday night. Hmmm…let’s see…who’s playing the Roxy tonight? Gutted Lacy? Wow, now THAT’S a name.

You know, if you stand on Clark street long enough (or even Hilldale, in front of the HUSTLER gift shop), I guarantee you’ll see the West Hollywood cops rough some drunk knucklehead up that got thrown out of the Whiskey on “speed metal night.” Actually, the Whiskey bouncers are so rough and sadistic, I’ve seen guys BEG them to call the cops, cause they figure it would safer. But me? I stay out of trouble, prefering to nurse my pint and mind my own business. I travel so much and, trust me; you don’t see the stuff you see in Hollywood ANYWHERE else. I mean, you got Hollywood High students going to the GOLDEN VEIL on their lunch break! (Well, it IS across the street!) I suppose these observations are pointless since I don’t really have a solution. However, i DO believe parking should be free. And happy hour from 2-8pm (instead of 4-7)

Mike Randle