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Mike Randle


America Speaks! (Well, Sort Of!)
November 3, 2004

So, now you have it. America’s top priority is MORAL VALUES. Let that be a lesson, Europe. Oh, and by the way, PAY NO ATTENTION to those Porno channels at the Hilton and Ramada hotels, in Europe. But, alas, America HAS made its choice, and even though I’m secretly suspicious if the Bush gang has somehow rigged this election (which I tend to doubt), they deserved all the credit in the world. Extra crispy props if they somehow used the Patriot Act to do it!

The question I pose is, IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING? Bush asked that a few years back and it’s a good question. See, it’s easy to write Americans off as shallow, greedy, selfish, control freak puritans with more guns than the law should allow. But that’s not the America I see. I see an America that’s perfectly fine to sacrifice a few Constitutional Rights to insure that our turban wearing pals from the desert don’t rape our women and put sugar in our gas tanks. it’s a high price to pay but, dang it all, America is prepared to pay it.

Now if you’re unemployed and have been laughed at by the Unemployment Office (like i was), you have probably given up hope by now (not me!). But if you’re still employed you just may have yet to feel the hard times that may show up at yer door in the next few years, unless a miracle happens (which would be nice.) Now, if you feel you are much safer with the Government virtually in place, you had better guessed right, for EVERYBODY’s sake. But enough of that silly scary political stuff. As i promised my Conservative Pal in Ohio, i’ll accept whoever won as LEGIT if he would. And i’ll respect the American People’s choice. promise. cross my heart.

Went to change my strings only to find out i have 2 D strings and no G string. That stings. Now I hafta go to TRUETONE and buy a G string. With gas at $2.65 that’s a tough one. i am actually considering walking. I wonder how much the Average American has spent on increased fuel costs in the last 4 years? OK, back to politics. I have an announcement to make; I have decided to run for Mayor of Santa Monica in teh next Mayoral election. See, on friday, Hannah and me were walking to the Santa Monica Mall when we get a call from JAZMAAN who works at S.M. city hall. So we stopped by and got a tour of the building. i said to myself, “hey, thsi is a good deal” then i went to vote yesterday and ‘i’ll be john brown’ if our Mayor didnt run completely UNCHALLENGED! I HAD to vote for him! Even if i didnt he’d still win.

And the first thing i’d do is put a stop to the Bozos who live behind Rick’s Tavern on Main Street. They keep complaining to the ABC (Alcohol & Beverage Control) about drunks and noise and wotnot but i’ve been there and these troublemakers are simply tipping applecarts. The Tavern has been there for like 20 years and these wanna be hippy/fascist monkeys bought out the old people who lived on 2nd street and now they wanna ruin our local pub. Well, if i am elected mayor i’ll put a stop to that Bulls*it. Also, Main STreet Joe owns Holy Guacomole and the city has been trying to harrass him for god knows why. I LOVE those tacos. Joe, you can count on me. And see, i’m pals with the people at O’Briens, The World Cafe, St. Matthews Church (forgive me father…but we’ll save that for a different time…), The Coffee bean, Starbucks (or $5ivebucks, as we call it), Berrylee Shoes (owned by none other than the New Guy), the Gap and a host of other Main Street businesses that could benefit from a Mike Randle Mayor appointment. I will not let the people down and it will be unanimous.

I’m serious. So if any of my friends who reside in Santa Monica want to help me get started, you know where I am. Lets get this place back on the map. Lets bring more bands back to the Santa Monica Civic Center. Let’s start a bowling league again on 2nd and Pico. Let’s have THIRSTY THUSDAYS at every pub, just before every weekend. let’s bring more live entertainment back, more buskers on weekend nights and how about some live comedy? people need to laugh. Also, i’d submit some laws for YOU to vote on. Anyone caught sleeping on the street has to SWEEP and PICK UP TRASH in that area. if you are gonna crouch and beg for change the least you could do is clean up. St. Matthews has free clothes (i know because i donate 4 times a year, as do my neighbors) and the beach (near Lifeguard Stand #28) has free showers. USE EM. You keep the streets clean and litter free and the City will give you coupons for free grub. Fair enough exchange. That’s my stance. This is Mike Randle and I approved this message.

All the best,

Mike Randle


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