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Mike Randle

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“Day 25,part 2: Maybe these Mormons have a point…”
August 17 2002

Rusty’s driving right as i type this (we have Steely Dan’s “Aja” playing as we barrel thru scenic Utah in all it’s wonderful sites. This has always been one of my favorite states to drive thru but i sure as heck would move here except for 1 fact; this is the Bigomist capital in the USA.

There are alot of left over Brigham Youngites who still believe (and practice) Bigomy is the way to go and no one should be able to tell ’em differently. Well, i say, it’s about time somebody started talking sense. I mean, this whole time i had a wife i could have had a few of them. And i’m a strong believer in competition; whatever makes the house a little more interesting, i’m all for it.

But according to the law, it’s illegal in the state of Utah. So, why so many Bigomist in the state of Utah if it’s so illegal? Cause they look the other way. See, that’s what i’m talking about; team work.

Now, every man has had that urge or “tingling” to look for that little something ya can’t get at home. We don’t necessarily do it or even look for it. But when you see a guy like Hugh Hefner on tv with something like 50 babes surrounding him, you can’t help but feel a little left out.

But not in Utah. Cause you could have your own litle mormon playboy mansion. What if you have a woman who’s gret in bed but can’t cook to save her life? Or you have a woman who loves to cook and clean but isn’t really that great at other things. Or you have a woman who can cook, clean, is great in bed but makes awful Bloody Marys. Bigomist side step ALL these problems and get one for each season.

Currently, there are over 10,0000 happy bigomist living in the state of Utah, if the media are to be believed. And society wants to put these guys in jail. IN JAIL! What did he do wrong? They’ve interviewd some of thee wives and they’re happy. I mean, if it’s a good relationship and everyone’s happy, what’s the problem? Who said relationships were best as a monogamy? Where’s the proof? You think Bill Clinton would have had to lie if he could have just had a few more FIRST LADIES?

I say, let people do as they wish so long as it’s not stepping on my toes. I don’t like the Government regulating other people’s happiness. You ever watch the discover channel? The female lions hunt the fod and bring it back and the male lion eats what he wants and then the cubs amd females divvy up what’s leftover. Then he has his way with whichever female lion he particularly fancies. Nobody’s trying to lock these lions up behind bars because that’s nature as it was intened. Men and women don’t want the same things. A woman saves what a man drowns, you know? they do almost everything for different reasons. Women don’t go to strip clubs because they know it’s a waste of money. You could explain to a man if you took a whole year.

So, in summation, i feel i’ve given a good argument for Bigomist everywhere and maybe a voice of reason for the rest of us. By the way, i had the new SUBWAY teriyaki/sweet onion sandwich in Grand Junction, Colorado and it was delicious. I highly recommend it, for those of you that eat chicken. Now it’s on to Vegas, which we should arrive in Vegas by 7:30pm…yay.

Mike Randle

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