I was looking through an old NEWSWEEK the other day and was reading an article on Iran and North Korea and “I-Be-John-Brown” if both of these nations didn’t fall dead-smack in the EVIL hole for the prerequisite of a RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE ass-whuppin’. I guess I can’t figure out why GWB picked Iraq and why now? I mean, why not the fourth of July? Or last easter? I guess I’m just not cut out to be a leader…

But on to more pressing things, like the football player for Iowa who got drunk and rammed his car into a restaurant. No one was injured but apparently, this footballer has been arrested at least 5 times for alcohol-related offenses. Now, I know what you’re thinking and it’s EXACTLY what Las Vegas wants to know: IS THE KID GONNA PLAY SATURDAY? Ok, the kid has a problem with the booze…sure… he’s not the best driver…but if I’m wagering $500 on Iowa, I wanna know if the rummy is in or not.

Wanna buy a house in Venice Beach? Fughdgettaboutit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know how many of you want (or plan?) to move there. But, according to a silly little conservative newspaper, rumor has it Julia Roberts and Nicolas Cage (are they dating?) are the latest “high profile celebs” to take up rez in Venice. Now I remember when Venice was more known for where to get crack and/or decent weed. Now, we got Sharon Stone, Kevin Bacon, and Suzzanne Somers walking down the boardwalk (talk about EGOS!) and Robert Downey eating at the Sidewalk Cafe, ok? Hey, at least Dennis Hopper and Perry Farrel bought their Venice dream homes when it was still scummy…

Everyone’s asking me about this show in San Fransisco and I just have to say that I don’t know anything except what time I’m supposed to be at the airport. I suggest you bug the RED TELEPHONE non-stop for answers (only joking). It should be fun, that is, unless it rains, then it’ll be wet but that didn’t stop Cantebury, now did it? And wet money is still money, right Glenn? Ouch! ok, I’ll stop with the jokes. But one thing that ain’t no joke (besides Eric B and Rakim) and that’s that Lil Dubya is bought to drop some bombs and that may not be such a good idea. So, I, for one, am hoping that peace prevails.

Mike Randle