#10. HE SLEPT WITH HIS CHIMP- That’s right, Bubbles and Wacko Jacko used to have matching “Jammies” and Jacko used to take him everywhere, even to the bathroom. Now, in the 70’s, i was a big BJ AND THE BEAR fan but that’s about as far as I think it should go. Of course, no one knows exactly what happened to Bubbles so we can’t ask Bubbles if Jacko is Wacko, but then again BUBBLES CAN’T TALK BECAUSE HE’S A CHIMP.

#9. HE TAKES MANUQUINS WITH HIM EVERYWHERE HE GOES-That’s right, real life-like dummies decorate his home, office…even his hotel suites in Las Vegas. Why he needs these dolls is beyond my understanding. They seem to be placed in specific places for specific reasons. Maybe these are actually his friends? You think he talks to them?

#8 HE HAS SEX WITH SMALL BOYS-Yep. Of course, I have no proof, but let’s look at a couple of things; Jacko used to be friendly with that midget, WEBSTER (Emanual Lewis), taking the tyke everywhere, even to the Oscars (where normal adults bring something called a DATE). One weekend, Jacko didn’t bring WEBSTER home to his folks but instead stayed with him in a hotel FOR A WEEKEND (this was all in former manager, Frank De Leone’s book, “Michael Jackson: The madness and the music”) When Wacko finally brought little Webster back, his folks were pissed off at the KING OF POP and that was the last time Jacko ever saw Webster. Webster has NEVER publically talk about the incident, which leads me to believe Jacko paid him off.

#7 HE PAID THAT KID $28 MILLION DOLLARS-The kid in Los Angeles that accused Jackson of fondling him was THIS close to sending Wacko to the slammer. jackson was denying everything and dared the family to prove it until the kid played his TRUMP CARD and tolf the LAPD that Wacko had a funny spot on his wee-wee. Jacko immediately settled out of court the SAME DAY the cops photographed his tackle, claiming he was innocent but wanted the case to be over before it affected his career. oh, you mean those awful records you keep making haven’t had an effect on your career. Twenty-Eight-Million-Dollars. That’s a lot of money.

#6 HE THINKS HE’S NOT HUMAN-He can’t help himself. He is a narcissist! He doesn’t think he’s going to age, die or anything that you and i will have to deal with. Instead he surrounds himself with “Yes Men” and lives in denial. When he fired one of his old plastic surgeons back in ’94 (the doctor refused to operate on Wacko), the guy had revealed a frightening number of operations he’d performed on Wacko to tabloids. I usually don’t believe tabloids. Except for this one time.

#5 HE LIVES ON A RANCH CALLED, “NEVERLAND”-I mean, isn’t that proof enough the fellow is off his totter? He is a 43-year-old man who spends almost all his time with 9-year-old boys whom he is NOT related to, with whom he buys pizza, ice cream, and toys and lets sleep in his bed. In California, men like that are usually given 20 to 35 years in State Prison. Am I mental or is this what they mean when they say “Inappropriate Behavior?”

#4 HE IS MAKING HIS KIDS MENTAL-They are running around with masks on with names like PRINCE MICHAEL I and PRINCE MICHAEL II. They are gonna be nutty as snicker bars come puberty. Unless of course, Jacko drops them out of windows first.

#3 HE IS DESTROYING HIS FACE-This is his prerogative but could he at least stay off the TV screen so I can digest my food? His dad (Joe Jackson) said he had a big nose and used to beat him with a belt. SO WHAT. Half the populations of Texas, Arkansas, Georgia, South Carolina, and Louisiana can claim the same thing. EVERYBODY has it rough at some point, some more than others. You are 43. Stop making excuses up for your crazy behavior, take the masks off your kids, give your nose a break, sell that stupid ranch, stop trying to get attention, and go into a recording studio and make some good music again, like OFF THE WALL.

#2 HE IS STUCK IN 1986-He must be! He keeps MOONWALKING!!!!!!! Why?????? His dance steps are EXACTLY the same since 1986. In the meantime, over 3,000 dance moves have come and gone. Time has stopped for him and I think he has no idea what time it is. Message to Michael: IT’S 2003. STOP MOONWALKING.

#1 HE STILL THINKS HE’S GOING TO OUTSELL “THRILLER” – You know he’s crazy now. But my question is, is HE the one that’s nuts or is it the fools at SONY that flowed him all that money in hopes he would make another huge selling record? By the time Jacko’s records come out, the “hot” producers he’s brought in are old news and outdated. But Jacko still thinks he has “it” and damn all those awful record sales. My guess is he’s gonna retire from the biz, only to return in less than a year with a new album and world tour “FOR MY FANS, WHOM I COULD NEVER REALLY LEAVE…” Wacko needs a shrink, big time. If i were him, I’d call Quincy Jones and BEG him to produce my new record. But, alas, time is running out on the KING OF POP. Pretty soon, Wacko TV will be done with (Fox, ABC and NBC are all running Jacko features at the same time) and we’ll be back to normal. That is until another promoter sues him, or another child accuses him of something or he accidentally drops one of his kids out a window.

Mike Randle