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Mike Randle


“Ranting in the Sydney Rain”
April 16, 2003

Well, it started pouring down here around 6pm, about the time the promoter, Tim, took us all out for Thai dinner. The food was good and afterwards, I took a walk around (it was raining lighter after the meal). I’d gotten an e-mail from my friend, Linda, who plays keyboards with Lisa Marie Presley (who were just on Letterman, she tells me!), and her twin sister, Laura, lives here in Sydney with her husband, so I am gonna hook up with them tomorrow at the show…should be fun…Linda and Laura have a great band together, by the way, called the Twigs (www.twigs.com) … you should check em out…and don’t get em confused! There are tons os beer places on Surry street (where we are staying) and this litter area kind of reminds me of Chicago’s Wrigleyville meets Boston’s Mass. st.; very hip/cool/young and loads to do. I plan to “sniff” out a proper pub and test the limits of the local libations. I have only slept 11 hours since Saturday (Hilary’s right; I AM crazy!) and it’s wed night, 8pm, right now! no, make that, “14 hours”, as I took a 3 hour “power-nap” as we Los Angelinos say. The is certainly a noticable difference between Aussies and Brits. People are very laid back here (you here that alot but it appears to be true) and people smile alot and are super friendly, NOT that the English AREN’T friendly…jus a different, more L.A. kinda friendly. Like how we (in LA) use the word “Dude.” That’s a very laid back word, Dude. I mean think about it…Dude! “Duuuuuuuuuuude!” It can mean just about anything…and only a surf culture would produce such a word, one that allows you to be completely lazy and incoherent, yet totally communicate what you mean. Ok, say someone stepped on my foot. Well, in England you’d say, “Pardon me, but you’ve just placed your foot squarely on mine. Please be more careful.” In LA. you’d just say “Dude?” with a real quizzical look on your face while pointing at your checkered Vans. And then the offending stepper could just say, “Dude, my bad, totally.” Or, if you think the “dude” wasn’t nice the way he let you know you stepped on his shoes, you could answer back, “Dude, don’t trip” or “Dude, Chill.” Of course, if your best friend just got laid for the first (or second?) time, he’ll have that glowing smirk that says.”..Duuuuude….” and you can answer with a (no way!) dude response that says, “DUDE!!!!!” followed by a high five. Ok, am I nuts er what? Why am I writing this crap… But on to music…(whew)…so tomorrow we play a club…geez…I cannie ever remember that name (apologies fer the spelling to Su!) and I saw a nice cool poster…hopefully, chapple will take a digital picture…I’ll try to snag a couple (don’t bug me ok?) but who knows what they’ll look like after they come out me luggage next week…and speaking of traveling, I dunno the milage but, since march 26, I have gone…LA to London to Rotterdam to London to Glasgow to Dublin to London to Athens to London to York to London to Athens to Agistri to Athens to London to LA to Sydney in just under 3 weeks. They are so sick of my hair at Heathrow…they don’t even bother to question me! So, tomorrow I will have a proper assessment of these delicious looking ales and lagers here in Sydney. I plan to go for the half pints in oder not to get to out of me tree….(cannie be haven that, right Glasgow?)..our promoter here did Teenage Fanclub’s tour here just 2 weeks ago…I had talked to Fannies Raymond and Francis and they said the crowds were great so something to look forward to as wel as the beer…Oh, and did I mention the peope talk funny? (only joking!) well, at least the accents don’t range too far offf the hook…in England you can travel 20 min and people speak COMPLETELY with different accents…my fave is Mel’s Welsh accent…those are nice…can’t figure the Scots out at all..I am always going huh? what?…just ask Scottish Keith! I like how the Scots say pint (like Paint!)…yep…them funny bonniw scotters…love em dearly, I do… Well, this here rants neary done…couldn’t find computers in England to save me life…I know I know…that have an empire to run, no time for the internet…but lemme tell you….you can find an internet cafe in the far raches of the congo but need to walk for 10 kilometers in london just to find one (and I don’t mean those rip-off crappy street phone-e-mail thingys either)…I pray for the UK to catch up…I want the UK citizens to say they will not take it anymore. No more MOTO sandwiches for 4 Bob. No more closing the pub at 11pm (who’s idea was that?) More elevators for the tube connections and AIR on the tubes…how’s that for an idea…oh yeah, FIX THE BLOODY TRAIN TRACKS, Man! And…hmmm…how about some people at Heathrow who DON’T HATE HUMANITY and a TV special on “Jane” from COUPLINGS and eliminating the atrocious VAT and…geez I could go on forever…and trust me, America ain’t perfect….but in the USA, I have my 49 cent tacos from Taco Bell, my gas guzling car, my freedom (for which we gladly overpay for) and my gun. What else do ya need? So, keep in step and stay on our side, if you know what’s good for ya; Bush has $78Billion freedom checks just waiting to be signed. And we don’t care how much it costs to free England. Just ask…we are only $76B away from getting you gus up to snuff with us. Um, of course your schools will fall apart, your kids will be dumber than dirt, your city water and air will be polluted and you’ll be the number one target of terrorist…but you’ll be free…

Mike Randle


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