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Mike Randle


“Worst ever Valentine’s confessions”
February 15, 2003

Ok, the following statements are true and appeared on the LOS ANGELES WEEKLY’s website Feb 14. These are (pretty much) complaints, bitter bickerings and down right bitching from some of Southern California’s Valentine’s Day-deprived Gals. Whomever coined the phrase, “Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned,” certainly lived in L.A. at one time or another. Ok guys, get ready for some serious, non-stop MEGA bitching. ***********************

Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts:

A microwave.

A gift certificate.

no gift.

Flowers from the grocery store check out line and a card with $50.00 in it.

I knew that my ex didn’t have much money but I thought that he would do something like get me a teddy bear. Instead he bought one plain red ballon and wrote, “I love you even though your a pain in my a**.”

The worst valentine’s gift I recieved was a ring from my girlfriend (ex). She left me a month after she gave me the ring.

His recycled valentine’s box (the one with the plastic rose on it from his ex) with supposely new chocolates in it!

Uhm, well, I haven’t given many bad gifts, but if I’d have to say, it would be just a simple card and poem of love…

I don’t have a worst gift, the only thing that would disappoint me, is nothing at all, though anything else, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter! As long as it’s thoughtful!

My boyfriend and I were supposed to go out for dinner. He didn’t show up and it was in the days before cell phones so I couldn’t get a hold of him. The evening was to end romantically so I bought new lingerie in pink and white for the occasion. He was knocking at my door, six a.m. the next morning with a rat’s head mounted on plaque. He handed it to me as my gift, apologized for standing me up but he’d ended up partying all night. He’d seen the plaque on the wall at the house he’d been at and stolen it to give to me. I kicked him out.

A lousy card that said happy v-day.

A rose with our names printed on it

Dead roses.

I got absolutely nothing. The prick (whom I’m still dating) said that Valentine’s day was overrated. I would agree if we’d ever celebrate our love at least one day out of the year! But since we don’t, he’s full of you know what.

A monkey sitting on a chair.

A card

Clothes that didn’t fit.

A cake with ‘i love you’ on it.

I got a romantic, room with a hot tub on Valentine’s Day – and my ex- boyfriend came home and crashed out and wouldn’t get up (I found out later he was a speed freak!) and go to the motel – so I went and spent the night alone there in the room I’d already paid for! What a loser – glad I’m rid of him!

A hermit crab in a pink cage!

We had been seeing each other exclusively for almost a year. I loved him in a way that I couldn’t remember ever having loved anyone before. He said he shared the same sentiments. Although I justified it in my mind when he never gave me a “just because I love you” card or gift, when Valentines Day came and he didn’t even verbally acknowledge it, I was crushed. I remember sitting there in my office that day watching the significant others of co-workers coming in to take them to lunch or bring them little momentos of their love. I remember like it was yesterday how empty I felt at the end of the day when it was time to go home and not one of the trips from the florist was for me. I can’t remember a day that my heart felt much emptier than that day.

My boyfriend had no idea what to give me for Valentine’s day so he bought me a gift certificate to the local mall. Come on, I was out of high school!

Nothing at all. Before my current boyfriend (of 5 years) I was with someone who did not even say anything!

When i was dating this guy, our anniversary landed on the 14th of february and i got excited thinking he would plan something super romantic, but instead, he had some friends over, ordered pizza and gave me a pair of comical socks!! I was so upset with him and he didn’t even know why!?!

I knew a girl whose boyfriend sent her a dozen roses on Valentines Day, but instead of spending the day with him, she went to the mall with a bunch of friends. While they were there, she called him, collect, to dump him.

I baked my boyfriend a chocolate cake in the shape of a heart, 3 tiers, with cinammon candies on top. He took one look at it, picked the whole thing up with his hands, and took a huge bite, ruining it for anyone else.

We dated for 3.5 years, and the 2nd year, when we got engaged, he forgot Valentines day. Completely. I haven’t seen him for 7 years now. 😉

Valentine’s Day fell on the annivesary of the marriage of he and his ex-wife, so he always got mopey and refused to do anything with me. They’d been broken up for over a decade. Get over it!

He said it was a crass commercial holiday, and said that I should be better than all that. What a jerk!

He spent a ton of money on risque lingerie, which is basically a present for himself, if you know what I mean.

I was given a cheap box of choclates and roses once with a cheap dinner at a bar.

I bought my x this one plastic ring.

My birthday is on valentines day, he forgot both of them.

He wrote me a poem, all about what I meant to him, etc…and had it printed onto really nice designed tag board and framed. A few weeks later, I found out he was cheating on me. I pretended for a week or so I didn’t know what was going on, but for valentines day I gave him back the ashes of his poem, in the same manilla envelope he gave it to me in.

I got those conversation heart things.

My boyfriend proposed to me without a ring. After he left that day I never heard from him again.

When I was with this guy for about eight months on Valentines day he bought me a c.d.

The worst gift I ever gave was nothing at all.

Mike Randle


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