So, there I was, sat on the bed, teacup in hand, watching E4 and trying to figure out who exactly is the dumbest of them all on Big Brother. And it’s not easy to do something like that. But mostly I just laugh and stuff. But this day I was feeling the ‘artist calling’ to write songs and stuff but I just wasn’t ‘feeling the groove’, if you know what I mean. Good thing Hannah had come round to the Liverpool that day, as that gave me ample room to sit back and enjoy some tacky T.V. whilst putting the gal to hard labour; writing some tunes on the guitar for me.
See, all i needed was a few chord changes but, you know, I couldn’t really do that AND see what scandelous event was going on the telly. That’s where ‘ol Han came in, nice and right on time. So i put the gal to work and sat back and took in a bit of scandal. But after a while – and maybe she was playing too loud – but after a while i had trouble concentrating on the Coronation Street scandals. And see, therein lies the difficulty of allowing yer woman to pick up your guitar. For one, my tea got cold. And secondly, i missed some of the dialog. I grunted my teeth and put on the kettle. It was gonna be a tough night. But y’see, this is how they steal your heart. They know, once they write a few chords, you can’t do without ’em. it just ain’t fair.
And now, i’m home and Han’s not here to pick up the guitar but then again I don’t have cable at the moment so i can’t even watch Corry (it would be behind by 5 weeks anyhow…), but still I could use her right about now. Neil Young said a man needs a maid but i say a man needs someone that knows G, D, Am, C, F, Em & Dm. Trust me; find that guitarist and put her to work. Sit back and watch the ball game or something. (note to Caryne: I never said ANYTHING about a Hoover so this doesn’t qualify as sexist!) And, by the end of the day, assuming she hasn’t murdered you for being a lazy shallow knob, give her a sweet flower, kiss on the cheek and tell her all the nice things…as we boys are nothin’ without that other person who can help out with the chords…

Mike Randle