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Mike Randle


Santa Monica Is Going To Hell In A Handbasket
August 18, 2005

A few weeks ago, Hannah, Julian, and myself went down to the Santa Monica Pier to check out the sites, as well as lean over the rail and watch the waves while the fishermen/fisherwomen catch fish. We noticed 2 very large Jellyfish. Now, I have only seen jellyfish in person on the beach at Ilfracombe. Until I saw 2 dead HUGE ones off the pier. now I wouldn’t think it weird to see one dead but 2? unless they killed each other or something.

Then, a few weeks later I went to get some coffee at the coffee shop on the corner near my house and they were closed; vermin infestation. so I said, dang, ok, I’ll get some quarters and go play some videogames at the tavern. So I go to the bank across from the coffee shop and guess what? someone had just robbed the bank. yep.

the next week I wanted to go to the peir but then my mom said that Al-Qaeda was stalking the pier out and were caught on camera. this is TRUE. the police have these 3 guys on tae at several peirs and also they are tying it to a santa monica college student who appearently has ties to al queada in inglewood. MY MOM LIVES IN INGLEWOOD! Apparently there’s mosque in inglewood that has been tied to al quaeada! now i can’t go see my mom, i can;t go to the peir, i can’t go to the bank and i can’t get any coffee. all because of terrorist. now these boys better be real terrorist and they BETTER be tied to al queada cause if they aren’t, i for one am gonna be pissed. i don’t appreciate my schedule being interupted by terrorist in a place they have NO business.

have you ever been to santa monica? women rollerblade in string bikinis on MONDAYS fer crying outloud. terrorist have no business near anything like that. i mean, i see it every single day so i don’t pay it no mind but when i see brit boys with their red socks on and goofy trainers drinking stella at 9am on the beach i know them boys are paying attention. so maybe the terroroist are british? lord knows they let anybody in britian. i bet people write ‘terrorist’ on their landing card and they still get in england. you can’t get away with that stuff in the states unless you contribute a significant amount of money to politicians. but atleast we make the terrorist earn it.

well i want my city back. i’m so concerned i’ve changed the park i take Julian to. but then there was a swarm of Bees. And the i had to deal with this one guy who HATED Bush. Now, me and Bush ain’t exactly pals but i was getting sick of this guy. he was a bit old (about 70) and had a 20-something wife from Thailand and a 5 year old kid named Adam, who was cute as a button. but all this geezer could talk about was the “cute mommies” and how “gorgeous” they were and how, if they were like that back in his day, what he and HIS pals “would have done.” i said, “Dude, chill the f*ck out, please.” Horny old geezer…

all the best,

Mike Randle


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