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Mike Randle


Weapons Of Shop Destruction
April 12, 2006

Having just received a terrifying text from Hannah (“Am on Oxford Street with Mum, shopping the sh*t out of London”), I got to thinking that, in a month (God willing…) she’s gonna be here, shopping the sh*t out of Los Angeles. I’ll have to remind her to purchase a Mack 9, ski mask, and ammo first.

I got a phone call from Mike “Ringo” Harrison, out of York yesterday and he, his wife Toni and their newborn, Evie, are doing just perfect. And Dave and Traci Green and their newborn, Nevin, are doing wonderful as well. And of course, Chapple and Natalie’s gorgeous 1-year-old, Stella, is walking up an adorable storm.

Ringo asked me about my bachelor party and I told him I wasn’t ‘down’ with any type of stripper situation (although Hannah completely gave me the ‘greenlight’ to do “whatever I wanted”, which I immediately suspected as a trap…) but that I was perfectly fine with a night at Hooters…you know, some Wings, Beer, Mammalian protuberances. Hannah was fine with it (Hey, we do not only GO to Hooters; Hannah has a Hooter’s tank top…)

My buddy, Carlos, installed this awesome Di Marzio pickup in my acoustic guitar. It’s removable and it sounds brilliant. I think it was only $75 to buy it and Carlos did it as a favor (he used to be the Guitar Tech for Lisa Marie Pres.) in his spare time. what a pal. The first thing I did was plug it into a distortion pedal! terrible, I know…

Has anyone heard the Hellacaster’s version of HOUSE IS NOT A HOTEL? it’s excellent. They’re Aussies and they kinda sound like KISS meets Thin Lizzy. Hey, is there something wrong with my TV or did Tucker Carlson FINALLY ditch the bow tie? For you Brits who aren’t in the know, MSBNC’S Tuck’s kind of a right-wing failed comedian who likes to wear bow ties. He has his own 1-hour Politic show called, “The Situation” (not to be confused with CNN’s Wolfe Blitzer’s, “Situation Room”) I think going down to New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina made him have one of those Jerry McGuire epiphanies or something, cause now he actually comes off as he cares about someone other than himself (ok, rarely..but every now and again he does…) and has even taken the bow tie off. Poor Tuck. Now if we could just get him out of the closet…

And what’s with that name, Tucker? Or Wolfe? Or how about Cooper Anderson? 2 last names? How about our LA weather guy, DALLAS REIGNS? That CANT be his real name! and he looks like a porno star! My fave weather person is FOX 11’s Jillian Barbarie. She’s HOT and doesn’t know jack squat about the weather. WHO CARES. They put on some EMINEM and she dances and tells you it’s gonna be clear all weekend. Of course, it rains all weekend because she had the board upside down! And that old geezer, Steve Edwards, gets to sit there and do the news with babes all morning. I think I should have his job and I want to take this moment to kick off a “Mike Randle on Fox 11” campaign for this summer. I’ll keep everyone posted. Feel free to contact the station’s manager. Sun in LA, rain in London. See, THAT WAS EASY!

Mike Randle


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